Choosing Adoption over IVF

Since announcing my decision to become an adoptive parent, many people have asked me if I ever considered IVF, and why I didn’t choose that route to becoming a mom.

The reason is simple, but also a little complicated. But before I get into it, I want to make it clear that these are my reasons for choosing the adoption route, based on my personal convictions. So i believe this is what is best for me 😉
So, here are my reasons…

  1. It’s Biblical

I haven’t always wanted to adopt. My plan, when I was in my 20’s, was to do IVF by age 30 – if I was nowhere near marriage. I was pretty sure that I would never adopt! Then I turned 30, and not only was I nowhere near marriage, I was also nowhere near being ready to be a mom.
At that time I was living with a wonderful house-mate, Elise, who was an American missionary working in South Africa. Since we were both Christians, we often had rather deep discussions about our faith and as she shared her passion for adoption with me, my opinion changed without much persuasion, actually. She had a way of talking about God’s heart for adoption that made so much sense to me, and sooner rather than later, I was convinced that I would adopt ‘one day’. It’s one of the things I love about Christianity:

he predestined us for adoption to himself, as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will… (Ephesians 1:5)

God didn’t just make a way to Himself through Jesus, but in Jesus we become His sons and daughters. Adoption has been part of the plan all along! Of course, the Bible also speaks of looking after orphans and widows (James 1:27)

I don’t believe that everyone is supposed to adopt a child. But I do believe that we should all be doing something to help the orphan crisis in some way, be it through adoption, fostering, donating, volunteering or educating.

     2. Children need parents.

For me, my decision to adopt is less about me having children, and more about these children having a parent. Children should have parents, and that’s just how I see it.

It sounds simple enough, but it obviously comes with a great deal of concerns. My biggest concern was ‘can I afford it?’
Is it unwise for me to adopt a child considering the financial sacrifice? And should I not first save money and make sure that I am comfortable, and will be comfortable when I retire?
My friends Tom and Dawn have adopted 2 out of 3 of their children. Tom has a wonderful blog where he speaks about their experiences and the joys and challenges of adoption.  One of his posts, titled “Is This OK with Me?”  addressed this exact concern:

Once upon a time we were sold a beautiful lie. We were sold the idea that for all our works and effort the highest prize that may be obtained is a life of comfort. A life where I find comfort in my home, my job, my income, my possessions, my faith, my family and many others…
How can anyone ever be comfortable knowing that so many live in complete discomfort? Waking up hungry, alone, parentless, futureless, hopeless, in pain, in depression, in slavery, in darkness. The truth should cause us to realise that we can’t accept comfort when so many live without it!

Well, ok then! There you have it.

   3. I am ‘Pro Life’

Abortion was something that I never really had a ‘black and white’ opinion on until, through a LARGE number of videos, documentaries and articles that I had ‘coincidentally’ watched before, I grew more and more convinced that i was definitely ‘pro life’, which I believe was another conviction that lead me to this decision! In another blog by Tom called  “Pro Abortion or Pro Adoption?” he spoke about a book he was reading called ‘The Spirit of Adoption: Winning the Battle for the Children.’

He said:

The important comment in this book was essentially this, if we are to change a culture that tends to accept a woman’s right to abort her baby, then we need to create a culture that promotes adoption. How can we as society in general and as the Church specifically, be against abortion, condemning moms who chose to kill their children, when we are not giving alternatives? How can I as a Christian, use God’s word to uphold the sanctity of life and defend conception as the moment life begins, and not be willing to take in the child that we say must not die?

Side note: This is NOT to say that I have no compassion for people faced with making this kind of decision, especially in traumatic cases like abuse, incest or rape. I can not imagine going through something like that! I have been moved to tears by stories of how God has healed and redeemed those situations, but that doesn’t mean it was easy.

After reading that blog post, I knew I wanted to be someone who puts their money where their mouth is, and lives out my convictions with purpose and faith.

I definitely have moments when I think “it’s too big”, “it’s too complicated”, “it’s going to be too lonely” … But at the same time, it seems so simple. There are children that need homes, and I have a home. End of story.

I have been overwhelmingly encouraged by the love and support that everyone has shown me. My family and friends are amazing, and I can’t believe how blessed I am to have them.

Please do keep praying for me, and also my ‘one day’ little baby girl, and her brave birth mother!
Jolene x



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